We often feel very stressed because of our expectations of how things should be, but are not. In other words, we feel stressed because we see a situation as a problem that needs to be solved and if it were not, we assume we do not have the tools to deal with it; we think we cannot possibly cope.
Cognitive Reframing is a tool used in therapy (hello CBT), and it works. And it does not have to be hard work. You can start at home, right now (of course, as always- this site, IG account or the blog are not a replacement for therapy, and if you're struggling, please reach out to a therapist), but here are few basic tools you can use to ease some of your daily struggles. If you slowly start changing the language when you speak about your problems; soon, how you feel about those problems, will also change. You may not even see those situations as "problems" anymore.
1. I will never sleep again.
Tonight is a hard night, but it will pass and I will sleep again. This is just a phase.
2. My baby does not want to sleep.
My baby struggles to fall asleep and I will help her to do so. Babies need adult help to fall asleep which is perfectly natural and normal.
3. My baby only naps for 20min!
I trust my baby's needs, and if 20min is enough for him, then that's all there is to it.
4. I always have to rock her to sleep.
My baby needs motion to fall asleep & feel close to me; I will use this time for bonding, practicing mindfulness & gratefulness.
5. My baby does not sleep through the night, what am I doing wrong?!
All babies, since the beginning of human kind have not been sleeping for long stretches at night consistently, and this is completely normal human biology. My baby cannot express his needs in any other way but to call out for me in the night, and I will always answer his calls to make sure he knows mama is there for him.
6. Me and my partner do not have any time for ourselves & have grown distant since having a baby!
Having a baby is hard work and all our attention is spent on this tiny little human who needs us 24/7. This is a phase of our relationship that is definitely testing us, but our connection is also deeper for the love that we share for our little human. Our baby is our masterpiece. We will go out on dates again and have all the time to ourselves. This phase will pass before we know it.
7. After having a baby, I feel so alone, isolated & I miss my old life!
Having a baby is a life-changing experience, and all my focus is on my baby for now. I will have time for myself again, this phase won't last long. I understand that some of my friends who do not have kids do not understand what I am going through and I have the right to feel sad about this. But I do have the capacity to make some new mom friends & create new experiences. This is a season, it's new to me & I am learning. I will reach out to family or a friend when I feel bit down.